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Okay, since Lucas was talking about myspace dating over on his journal, and I got a really godawful message this morning, I'll post a tutorial. People, especially men, should listen up. First of all, here is an excellent example of what NOT to do. Here's the message I received this morning:
Subject: hi
Your look is not material for me. If my married status and age is not a problem for you, we can talk and meet.
Thanks.
Okay, first of all, what in that message would give me any incentive to write back to this dude? My look is not material for him? Is he saying my pictures are ugly? Or that he doesn't care what I look like as long as I have a vagina?
So now I'm curious, and I go over to this guy's profile. He's 5'7", 254 pounds, and 37 years old. Nothing about his marital status in the profile, except that he doesn't want kids. He lives in my town and is "financially secured", and he lists his ethnic background. And that's it. No other information at all. Does he like movies or music or books? Does he have hobbies? There are no pictures either. There's nothing to make me think this guy is an interesting person, and I'm sorry, but if you weigh 254 pounds you've got to have some serious personality going on. I am repulsed and a little creeped out, and so I click delete. ( Three more messages, and their varying degrees of successfulness, behind the cut. )
What have we learned here?
- Do not message a woman until you have your own profile filled in, including pictures, or you'll get deleted.
- Don't go for women who are over 100 pounds lighter than you are or more than ten years younger. Such women are out of your range, at least if you're meeting them on myspace, and you will be deleted.
- For god's sake, punctuate! I have "grammar" listed in my interests! Plus it's just respectful. This one isn't going to be a rule for every woman, but just in case it is, cover all your freaking bases. Put a little effort into it and read the message over before you send it.
- Don't act like you're applying for a job, even if you sort of are.
- Don't message a woman who doesn't at least live in the same state. Unless she specifically says in her profile that she likes torturing herself with long distance relationships, what's the point?
- It's okay to use a subject line other than "hi". Three out of four messages surveyed used a "hi", and it didn't win them any points. A subject line is just one more chance to catch the lady's attention and be witty and interesting, and "hi" does no work for you; it's a lost opportunity. At least with something like "Greetings from Ohio", the guy was being polite and letting me know where he was from. It's not the best subject line ever, but it's certainly better than "hi". (Note, however, that the winning message still had "hi" as the subject.)
- Any woman on myspace is going to know why some stranger is sending her a message, so you don't have to explain anything. The winning message was short and to the point and also said nice things about me. It was flirty but not creepy. Therefore, this is the course we recommend.
*Note: I'm not necessarily looking to meet someone new right now. Lucas's question for me was, Well then why do you have the dating option checked off on your profile? My answer is, first of all, I am single, so it's true. If one of these messages really caught my attention, I'm open to the possibility. Also, I want the dating option checked off so that people I actually know will know that I'm single. I communicate with a lot of friends on myspace and I want them to be up to date, and further, if a guy from my past looks me up, someone I might have been interested in before but never had a chance to date, I want it to be clear that I'm single. Just because a woman on myspace says she's there for dating, that doesn't mean she wants to meet overweight 44 year olds who live in another state. There are many reasons to check that little box.
Subject: hi
Your look is not material for me. If my married status and age is not a problem for you, we can talk and meet.
Thanks.
Okay, first of all, what in that message would give me any incentive to write back to this dude? My look is not material for him? Is he saying my pictures are ugly? Or that he doesn't care what I look like as long as I have a vagina?
So now I'm curious, and I go over to this guy's profile. He's 5'7", 254 pounds, and 37 years old. Nothing about his marital status in the profile, except that he doesn't want kids. He lives in my town and is "financially secured", and he lists his ethnic background. And that's it. No other information at all. Does he like movies or music or books? Does he have hobbies? There are no pictures either. There's nothing to make me think this guy is an interesting person, and I'm sorry, but if you weigh 254 pounds you've got to have some serious personality going on. I am repulsed and a little creeped out, and so I click delete. ( Three more messages, and their varying degrees of successfulness, behind the cut. )
What have we learned here?
- Do not message a woman until you have your own profile filled in, including pictures, or you'll get deleted.
- Don't go for women who are over 100 pounds lighter than you are or more than ten years younger. Such women are out of your range, at least if you're meeting them on myspace, and you will be deleted.
- For god's sake, punctuate! I have "grammar" listed in my interests! Plus it's just respectful. This one isn't going to be a rule for every woman, but just in case it is, cover all your freaking bases. Put a little effort into it and read the message over before you send it.
- Don't act like you're applying for a job, even if you sort of are.
- Don't message a woman who doesn't at least live in the same state. Unless she specifically says in her profile that she likes torturing herself with long distance relationships, what's the point?
- It's okay to use a subject line other than "hi". Three out of four messages surveyed used a "hi", and it didn't win them any points. A subject line is just one more chance to catch the lady's attention and be witty and interesting, and "hi" does no work for you; it's a lost opportunity. At least with something like "Greetings from Ohio", the guy was being polite and letting me know where he was from. It's not the best subject line ever, but it's certainly better than "hi". (Note, however, that the winning message still had "hi" as the subject.)
- Any woman on myspace is going to know why some stranger is sending her a message, so you don't have to explain anything. The winning message was short and to the point and also said nice things about me. It was flirty but not creepy. Therefore, this is the course we recommend.
*Note: I'm not necessarily looking to meet someone new right now. Lucas's question for me was, Well then why do you have the dating option checked off on your profile? My answer is, first of all, I am single, so it's true. If one of these messages really caught my attention, I'm open to the possibility. Also, I want the dating option checked off so that people I actually know will know that I'm single. I communicate with a lot of friends on myspace and I want them to be up to date, and further, if a guy from my past looks me up, someone I might have been interested in before but never had a chance to date, I want it to be clear that I'm single. Just because a woman on myspace says she's there for dating, that doesn't mean she wants to meet overweight 44 year olds who live in another state. There are many reasons to check that little box.
