books 2006: To Hell with All That, by Caitlin Flanagan

[supercheesegirl]

Full title: To Hell with All That: Loving and Loathing Our Inner Housewife. Katrina lent me this. It's nonfiction, about working women as wives and mothers and how it's different from the way it was 30 years ago. She doesn't have an opinion on whether it's better to be a housewife or a working mom; the book more looks at the differences between the two, the good points and bad points, and looks at how as a society we've kind of lost what it meant to be a housewife back in the day. It was definitely an interesting read, but now I do want a fantasy novel. Also now that I've finished it that means I don't have to move it. Always a plus.

Comments

[unique-unknown.livejournal.com]

It's not whether you're a house-mom or a working-mom. It's whether you stick to what you choose. It was really confusing growing up with a "house-mom" who wouldn't make me dinner or help me with laundry when I was 6. I guess I'm a little sensitive with this topic.

[unique-unknown.livejournal.com]

So, did you learn anything?

[supercheesegirl.livejournal.com]

Mostly it just made me think. About the future and stuff. Because I think I'd be a pretty terrible stay-at-home mom--I'm not a baby person, I don't think--but I would feel terrible about dumping my kids at day care. You know, that sort of thing.

[unique-unknown.livejournal.com]

Day care really isn't that bad, it's being dumped at the neighbor's house that sucks.

[tisana.livejournal.com]

It confused me that way, too. The reviews criticized it as being right-wing propaganda, but it wasn't, really. She was pointing out how womens' roles have changed, not plugging for one over the other. Though...it is hard to take her feeling overwhelmed when she wasn't even a stay-at home mom--she was a woman who didn't work and who had a nanny. Yeesh.

Hey, so if you don't have to move it, hand it off to someone else. I'd wanted dancer to read it, too, but it might be a hassle for you to go out of your way to get it to me, at this point.

[sleepyworm.livejournal.com]

she can always just leave it with me and I can get it to you the next time I hang out with your gang...

[tisana.livejournal.com]

Duh. Of course. :)

[supercheesegirl.livejournal.com]

I was also thinking that I'd hand it off to Kris, since it's reasonably easy to get to her place from mine. Also I still have her spiderweb dress and I doubt she'd let me move away with it. :)

[x-hj-x.livejournal.com]

If you do want to be a stay-at-home mom to your kids, it's almost moot whether or not you're a "baby person." It's a cliché, I know, but it's startlingly true: kids are only babies for an eyeblink.

I quit my job of nine years about three days before Anya was born so I could be a stay-at-home dad. It's over four years later and I have no regrets, really, other than the loss of the paycheck. It used to be really nice to be able to buy pretty much whatever I wanted. ;-)

I really couldn't stomach the thought of dumping her in day care, though. And if I'd gone that route I never would have known what I'd missed, probably, but having raised her myself, I know for certain I wouldn't trade this time I've spent with her for anything. It's not something you get to catch up on later.

But everybody's different and that's just me. :-)

[supercheesegirl.livejournal.com]

Honestly, reading your journal has made me think about it a lot more. I don't have a lot of friends with kids, so everybody I meet is kind of a new window into it, you know? And some of the things you've said about Katie and yelling makes me wonder if I would be good at being around a little kid all the time. It's a hard thing to do, even if it's also a wonderful thing at the same time, and I really admire you for doing it. I have plenty of time before my future children are even a possibility, though, so these are all just thoughts to tuck away for later.

[x-hj-x.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I'm not saying it isn't hard (it's by far the hardest job I've ever had, and I used to have to fix broken computers in operating rooms while brain surgeons were yelling at me from a few feet away and gesticulating wildly at the unconscious patient with his skull cut open), but I'll never understand why anyone would want to have kids and then not want-- or be able-- to spend any time with them. It just strikes me as somewhat pointless.

That's not to say that I think day care is a bad thing, or that people who have kids and need/want to work are evil, or whatever, and I love when people do whatever it takes to make it all work, to make the best of the circumstances they're dealt.

My sister got pregnant at 19, got married to the guy and tried to make that all happen with pretty much no money, stints on welfare, etc. Of course the marriage fell apart, there was a ton of badness all around on so many fronts, but somehow through it all Alana was always an amazing kid and is now a fucking awesome 21-year-old who inspires the hell out of me and shoulders adversity as well as anyone I know.

It does seem to me that more time spent together is better for everyone involved, though. I mean, I spend about as much time with Anya as any dad can spend with his kid, and I look back and still sort of wish that I'd spent even more with her, because she's awesome and changing so quickly that every day I find myself saying goodbye to the kid from yesterday and hello to this new kid waking up and saying and thinking and doing new things. I would hate to miss any of that.

Right now, for example, she is quoting, of all things, Pulp Fiction. :-D

And about the yelling thing: Katie is actually a great mom. The thing is the context switch: she spends all day at work communicating with adults, and the shock of walking in the door and immediately having to deal with toddler logic (which does not resemble our earth logic) and the clingy neediness of a tired-out kid who is hyper and excited about finally getting to play with mommy for a while, well, that's not easy. I think it's easier to handle that sort of thing when you're in tune with it all the time, can pick up on changes in mood and know how to ride those waves to prevent a meltdown. It's kind of like reading poetry; I don't care how good it is, you're not going to pull much out of it on that first cold reading, especially if you've just spent a few hours reading VCR instruction manuals. You need to get into the right zone before it starts to speak to you.

Actually, in a ton of ways, kids are little poems with legs...

[supercheesegirl.livejournal.com]

I definitely would not want to have kids unless I was in a position to spend a lot of time with them. I'm on the same page with you about that.

And I don't doubt that Katie's a great mom. You just don't talk about her much unless you're watching a sox game together or she's yelling about something, so I don't think I get quite the full picture. :)

Little poems with legs! I love it!