an invitation

[supercheesegirl]

This weekend was crazy and busy and long but also had quite a lot of awesome in it. But I found out that there are some people who were peeved at me, or hurt by something I did, or upset by my actions in some way. Of course when I found this out I wanted to patch things up, but my problem was that the people in question didn't tell me that they were upset, and I had to find out from other sources. When we eventually talked things over, I heard that I "hadn't done it on purpose", "didn't know (I) was doing it", or that "it wasn't a big deal." But it was a big enough deal that somebody I care about was upset at me, and that means I want to know about it. Even if I didn't know I was doing it or didn't do it on purpose, I think it's important that you tell me I've done something hurtful--I don't want to spend my time being an oblivious jerk. Not that that's necessarily what happened this week, but I did treat some people poorly because I didn't consider their feelings before I acted. I think I've mostly fixed the problems that I found out about, and I told people that I wished they had just come to me directly and told me they were upset. So now I'm telling all of you the same thing. It's really important to me that I handle this move and my life with integrity, but I make mistakes, and I need to know when I'm making them. I would rather find out from you now that you are upset than get blindsided by a build-up of bad feelings later on. Maybe you think that whatever is wrong will be hard for me to hear; maybe it really isn't that big of a deal, but I know from experience that when minor problems aren't dealt with they can grow and grow and become big problems. So please consider this an open invitation: if I have pissed you off or upset you and you're carrying hurt feelings towards me, I would like you to tell me about it. Comments are screened.

Comments

[myras-girls.livejournal.com]

It's really important to me that I handle this move and my life with integrity, but I make mistakes, and I need to know when I'm making them. I would rather find out from you now that you are upset than get blindsided by a build-up of bad feelings later on. Maybe you think that whatever is wrong will be hard for me to hear; maybe it really isn't that big of a deal, but I know from experience that when minor problems aren't dealt with they can grow and grow and become big problems.

I feel the same way! I have lost a few friendships without ever being told why and it's very frustrating. I don't know if it was something I did (unknowingly, of course) or some other kind of conflict but it drives me crazy that these ex-friends never talked to me about it. Whatever it was was bad enough that they felt they couldn't be my friend anymore and that's frustrating because I'm certain I didn't do anything really horrible. I think I'd know if I had.

It's taken years but I think I am finally able to place the "blame" (I hate that word but it sorta fits) on them. If I did something and they didn't talk to me about it then there's nothing I can do. I try to be considerate and a good friend so beyond that some responsibility lies with other people to say when they are upset.

[supercheesegirl.livejournal.com]

One thing I know I have problems with myself is letting people know just how upset I am. I might say "I'm a little upset" or "that kind of bothered me", which are usually huge understatements! And then I can't blame the other person for not magically knowing how upset I was, because they took me at my word.

I feel like some of this has happened to me lately, where people downplayed how upset they were because they didn't want to hurt my feelings. But if my friend is very upset over how I'm acting, then I would rather know!

[myras-girls.livejournal.com]

I'm also similar in understating my feelings. I often feel I don't have a right to feel the way I do and that my feelings are a burden to others. I'm working on that. How's that book, by the way?

[supercheesegirl.livejournal.com]

Haven't started it yet--so busy!!

[woodwardiocom.livejournal.com]

-I didn't see any comments here, so I wanted to say: I don't think you've ever done anything that made me cranky. If that helps.

[supercheesegirl.livejournal.com]

It does help. Thank you.

[woodwardiocom.livejournal.com]

I didn't see any comments here

(Which might have something to do with them being screened, doy [smacks own head] . . . )

[supercheesegirl.livejournal.com]

Hee!