books 2008: What Did I Do Wrong? by Liz Pryor

[supercheesegirl]

Full title: What Did I Do Wrong? When Women Don't Tell Each Other the Friendship Is Over. I saw this at the library and couldn't resist. This is a nonfiction book about close female friends, and how their friendships sometimes end: one woman decides, for whatever reason, that a friendship is over, and gradually avoids her friend, hoping to spare her the pain of a confrontation. The friend being dumped perceives that something is wrong, but can't get her friend to talk to her, and the bad feelings and doubt and guilt gnaw at her, sometimes for years afterward. Women do this to each other all the time. Pryor is struck by how this does not happen to the same degree in relationships between men and women: a confrontation and breakup is sanctioned by society for those relationships, but there are no rules for ending a friendship between two women.

Pryor talks to hundreds of women and tells many of their stories. She does a good job of being balanced--she recognizes that the one who is leaving has her own reasons for doing so, and she rarely says that one party was right or wrong in how she acted. She does describe eloquently the painful feelings on both sides of the equation. Most women I know have been on both sides: the girl who doesn't understand why her friend won't return her calls, and the girl who needs to move on and finds herself avoiding her friend until the other girl gets the message. It's easy to recognize ourselves in the stories Pryor relates. I highly recommend this book to every woman I know, because our friendships with women are such a valuable part of our lives, and we need to honor those friendships from beginning to end.

Comments

[espadarte.livejournal.com]

this book sounds really... useful? not the word i want... ummm... it seems like something i would really like to read. i've had friendships end that way, and so have my friends, i guess i never realized it was so common. i'd be interested to read about it.

[supercheesegirl.livejournal.com]

It's definitely worth the read. It's well written, quick and easy to read, but full of really good stories about women and friendship. I definitely saw myself and my friends in the stories in this book. It's a good book to read just to be more aware, you know? 'Cause women can really treat each other like crap, and... we should not do that.