![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Just found out that the college campus where we want to have our wedding is entirely booked for June next year. We really wanted June. The campus is an arboretum! It's pretty and fragrant in June!
The first thing that goes through my head is that this is entirely MY fault. I'm the one who didn't want to set a date yet. We knew as of May 9 (the day F and I took our parents there) that that's where we wanted to have the wedding, but I didn't want the stress of trying to set a date yet. I got sick the next week, and then we were out of town for two weekends. I should have SUCKED IT UP! I should have listened to my mother and made an appointment with the event coordinator right away! We're going to get stuck having it in July, which will be hot and sticky and also too close to my birthday, or August, which will be even more hot and sticky. Aunt Rita will die of heat stroke, and it will all be MY FAULT. Or we could have it in OCTOBER of next year. But I don't want to wait until October of NEXT YEAR to get married! I am so sick of waiting in this relationship! I want to be married to F right goddamn now!
This is not a productive line of thinking. But I should have done this sooner! I am trying not to imagine that my entire wedding is ruined already.
F just texted me: "love you and can't wait to marry you. doesn't matter what month or day!"
Now I'm really, really going to cry.
The first thing that goes through my head is that this is entirely MY fault. I'm the one who didn't want to set a date yet. We knew as of May 9 (the day F and I took our parents there) that that's where we wanted to have the wedding, but I didn't want the stress of trying to set a date yet. I got sick the next week, and then we were out of town for two weekends. I should have SUCKED IT UP! I should have listened to my mother and made an appointment with the event coordinator right away! We're going to get stuck having it in July, which will be hot and sticky and also too close to my birthday, or August, which will be even more hot and sticky. Aunt Rita will die of heat stroke, and it will all be MY FAULT. Or we could have it in OCTOBER of next year. But I don't want to wait until October of NEXT YEAR to get married! I am so sick of waiting in this relationship! I want to be married to F right goddamn now!
This is not a productive line of thinking. But I should have done this sooner! I am trying not to imagine that my entire wedding is ruined already.
F just texted me: "love you and can't wait to marry you. doesn't matter what month or day!"
Now I'm really, really going to cry.
