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so i haven't posted in a while. i guess i'm sort of feeling blah. (just like the count would say it, jorn.) i don't really want the next semester to start, which isn't good because it will start, on monday in fact. and i'm excited to meet all the new first-years in my program, but i'm going to be so busy and have so much work to do. i start feeling so resentful towards my MFA program sometimes, which isn't right because the budget crunch is NOT their fault, but my friends who are in writing programs at other schools don't have the money problems i do. and even a bunch of people in my own program don't have the money problems i do! i know one fiction writer who took the summer off to work on his novel. took the summer off! not fair! you'd think with 12-13 new people a year, they could afford to take care of us all. and i'm grateful i have the assistantship i do, since some people don't have a job at all, and it is a pretty cushy job where i only have to do actual work for about a month total each semester. and i'm grateful i had the summer assistantship with dr. langenfeld because he's awesome and it was good experience. but i only make $6000 a year, so i feel like the summer assistantship was my consolation prize for having the shittiest full-year job. and i need to work part-time, which lots of people don't have to do.
i do get another consolation prize--i asked for a teaching internship with terry, and i got it. basically i help him teach his intro poetry workshop and teach a few classes myself and observe him. but i'm horribly nervous about teaching--there's a huge difference between teaching SAT or tutoring or even giving tours, and standing in front of 20 people lecturing for an hour. it's absolutely terrifying. in college i would put hours of preparation into my class presentations and still near pass out from nervousness. so the teaching internship is a good thing, because hopefully it will break me of this fear, but it's also going to be a lot of work i don't really need at this point, since in addition to writing and having one actual english grad class and holding down three jobs i'll have to do this too. plus i want to go to the gym regularly, and have some fun on occasion. but i don't feel like i can turn down the teaching internship, because it is my consolation prize and i deserve it. but i also can't at this point quit any of my jobs. i just feel that, starting on monday, my life will be hellishly busy, and i just had a really nice summer and i don't want to get hellishly busy! *cries*
i also feel bad for jorn because danielle and elise are both moving away and i'm going to be all crazy so i won't get to spend as much time with him. he'll be lonely and sad, and i don't want him to be sad. maybe he'll play more guitar. sigh.
sorry for whining, folks.
i do get another consolation prize--i asked for a teaching internship with terry, and i got it. basically i help him teach his intro poetry workshop and teach a few classes myself and observe him. but i'm horribly nervous about teaching--there's a huge difference between teaching SAT or tutoring or even giving tours, and standing in front of 20 people lecturing for an hour. it's absolutely terrifying. in college i would put hours of preparation into my class presentations and still near pass out from nervousness. so the teaching internship is a good thing, because hopefully it will break me of this fear, but it's also going to be a lot of work i don't really need at this point, since in addition to writing and having one actual english grad class and holding down three jobs i'll have to do this too. plus i want to go to the gym regularly, and have some fun on occasion. but i don't feel like i can turn down the teaching internship, because it is my consolation prize and i deserve it. but i also can't at this point quit any of my jobs. i just feel that, starting on monday, my life will be hellishly busy, and i just had a really nice summer and i don't want to get hellishly busy! *cries*
i also feel bad for jorn because danielle and elise are both moving away and i'm going to be all crazy so i won't get to spend as much time with him. he'll be lonely and sad, and i don't want him to be sad. maybe he'll play more guitar. sigh.
sorry for whining, folks.
