supercheesegirl

This is incredibly hilarious and I almost wet my pants.

OMG you have to check out this link!!!

Okay, so I hate Pearl Jam. Don't get me wrong, they have some decent songs, but every single one of them has been so overplayed I want to stab myself in the eye whenever they come on the radio. And many of their songs are just damn annoying. To avoid causing myself bodily harm, I change the station every time I hear Eddie Vedder's voice. However, tonight on the radio, I heard something that made me very, very happy.

http://www.joeconklin.com/

When you get to the main menu page, click on "Pearl Jam the Musical" at the bottom of the lefthand toolbar. I laughed out loud several times. Some of the interpretations aren't as good as others, but on the whole it's a beautiful thing.

OMG, this is hilarious. Thank you, Neil Gaiman, for the link.

18 Skeevy Things About Jorn's Apartment (a list by Roxanne)

18. His neighbors include a houseful of Mexicans who like to listen to extremely loud mariachi music, a bunch of possible drug dealers, a pothead (who does seem nice enough), and two guys who remodel their apartment at 9am on saturday mornings without warning the folks downstairs ahead of time.
17. Of the potential drug dealers, the ones cattycorner to Jorn's house sit on their porch all afternoon and evening and converse with women. Another sits on his porch and plays random loud notes on his electric guitar, which seems to be the signal that he's open for business.
16. I could have listed as a neighbor the handyman for the building, but he says he has a residence elsewhere. That doesn't stop him from spending most of his time (as far as I can tell) in the unfinished basement of the house. He also has been painting the vestibule of the house for almost as long as Jorn has lived there, and it's still not finished.
15. Often women of questionable virtue sit on Jorn's back steps waiting for the aforementioned handyman.
14. Another house in the neighborhood is home (or was last year) to people who bred pitbulls. Did you know a pitbull mother who has puppies becomes very protective of them, to the point of running into a street to attack helpless passersby?
13. The nieghborhood ice cream man is a middle eastern guy driving an unmarked *red* van. He dispenses the ice cream out of a cooler in the back. One gets the feeling that if you knew the proper code names, you could order something other than ice cream.
12. On Halloween, one small group of children (uncostumed, no less) took an entire bag of candy Jorn had purchased for trick or treaters when he kindly told them they didn't have to take just one.
11. When the power goes out, this is one of the last neighborhoods to get it turned back on. Jorn's lost the entire contents of his fridge and freezer twice since December.
10. Ladies of obvious ill repute are often dropped off or picked up on the street where Jorn lives, and sometimes they even knock on your door to ask the time.
9. The main door to the house does not lock (or even shut really well) so that anyone (crackheads and prostitutes included) can enter the vestibule.
8. For quite some time, Jorn had a problem with fleas living in his pet-free apartment and biting his legs.
7. speaking of critters, squirrels (and possibly other things) live inside the walls. we hear them running around all the time.
6. Jorn's apartment did not have a shower when he first moved in. There was a bathtub, but no shower.
5. The bathroom also has no heat. There's a heater in the living room and one in the bedroom, but the kitchen and bathroom are heat-free. You shouldn't have to squat over the pot except in a truck stop, but sitting on that freezing cold toilet in winter is like torture.
4. Every time it rains, the kitchen ceiling leaks. Though this has been going on for months and Jorn's landlord has promised to look into it, nothing has been done.
3. Large pieces of the underside of the porch roof and of the back roof (the part over the kitchen) have fallen or are in the process of falling down, perhaps due to rot.
2. Jorn's bike was stolen off his front porch last fall by someone who cut his bike lock with wire cutters.
1. And, as all of you know, some crackhead broke into Jorn's apartment and stole stuff. This took place a week ago, and the landlord (who seems to have the best intentions) still hasn't shown any sign of getting the broken door properly fixed or of having a lock installed on the main door. Jorn now enters and exits the apartment via the kitchen door, and this method forces him to dislodge the lovely ladies who often wait for the handyman there.

just thought you could use a list. start calling those storage places, baby.

I'm having a really, really lovely easter. last night I did laundry, visited david bowen for a bit, straightened up my house, and then went to wafflehouse with jorn and danielle. my food was really good, once they remembered to make my waffle. we somehow always get the same waitress when we go – her name is susan, and she's surly. we also suspect that she is "special." another interesting feature of the wafflehouse is the half-drunk, skeevy-looking guy who hangs out in his flannel shirt near the door. he is apparently some sort of security guard, doing his duty by taking people's receipts before they are allowed to leave the wafflehouse, I guess to make sure they've paid. danielle said he was like a wafflehouse bouncer, and then said, "hey! the wa-hobo!" which cracked me right the fuck up.

today, jorn and I slept in, and then when we got up, the easter bunny had been to my house! the bunny knew that I had gotten a nice easter basket from my parents, but he wanted to make sure that jorn had plenty of good eastery candy, so the bunny left a basket just for jorn at my apartment. the basket also contained a new little friend for jorn – a little sheep that the bunny just couldn't resist bringing to jorn. the easter bunny also hid eggs full of candy all over my apartment for jorn to find!! and jorn found them. heehee.

then we hard-boiled eggs and colored them! after we had made an egg in each of the six colors (red, orange, yellow, green, blue, purple), we started mixing colors to get interesting effects. I was making pretty egg colors, and jorn was trying to make ugly ones. he made a puce egg. it was uglier when it was wet, but now it's just sort of brown.

after that, we went out to dinner! the best aunt lucinda in the whole world sends me gift certificates to restaurants to be sure that I'm actually eating occasionally, and we had $30 in gift certificates to spend at Ruby Tuesday's. so we found the Ruby Tuesday's, and we both got the garlic alfredo shrimp pasta, and it was amazingly good. I also got the salad bar (but didn't really eat my $1.99 worth of salad) and jorn got mozzarella sticks for an appetizer, and I had a mudslide. it was a lovely dinner and my belly is all full, and jorn probably won't have to eat for two days because we ate so much. but we both have leftover pasta to eat tomorrow! hooray for pasta!